Multiple Faces of Barhama and gay world…


Barhama is a Hindu deity who comes first in the late Hindu trinity of God (second to him is Vishnu and then Shiva). The unique aspect of many Hindu gods is there many faces showing the diversity of idea of a god. Like Barhama’s good attributes are that he is creator but he can also possess negative attributes as well. The idea of Barhama shows a very true human nature of many faces.

We come across people who have many faces for different crowds. In fact, we here in Pakistan live in a society that requires us to have many different faces for different people. But here I especially want to mention what happens when the person whom you love has many faces? I always knew that. I have been into the relationships which ended when more than one face of the person came into light in front of me. This is not enough…

Why do you have more than one face when you are in a relationship (read: gay-relationship)? Whenever we talk about gays, the most prevalent reason of breakup is that he was seeing other people or he has been active on his gay-lookup profile on Manjam or he wasn’t sincere with me, he was hooking up with other people as well. We all come across such kind of reasons for breakup but I don’t understand that why only gay relationships (which as a matter of fact cannot change into marriage knot due to our society and no acceptance in general for queers in the world) suffer from these kind of scourges?  Why can’t a man live with another man forever? It makes me wonder when I see my straight friends getting married to each other after loving each other. I feel jealous when I see them exchanging the vows that they will be with each other for the better or for the worst.

Isn’t it that we queers exchange these vows too? Don’t we promise each other that we would be there in whatsoever situation? Just like the multiple faces of Barhama we have different faces. On one hand we are blessing the person whom we love with these meaningless vows and on the other hand we are cursing him by hooking up with different people. At the end of the day, it comes on the on the urge of sex. Indiscriminate sex. Then we always want a back-end support in the form of a boyfriend who would be ready to grab us in his arms after our exciting hookups. We need him as an emotional support: to tell us that we look good, to tell us that he loves us, to tell us that he can’t live without us…

Then if it is all about sex then why shouldn’t we make it open to each other? Why don’t we accept that it is all about sex? Why do we look for a dedicated love? There is no such thing as dedicated love… It just exists in myths. So when there is no such thing as what we desire then why shouldn’t we go practical and opt for something which is compatible, affordable and accessible? Why shouldn’t we go for an open relationship with both partners hooking up with others to crave their sexual urges and coming back to each other for the appetite of love or an occasional physical love session maybe?

We all know that it is like that. It has always been like this… It will be like that forever. A friend of mine told me about devastating rate of Gay Marriages Failure… The alarming rate is due to the fact that urge of sex is stronger than the urge of love! I knew a guy with whom I had hooked up couple of times. He was very fond of Europe and it’s dying homophobia. Eventually he went to Europe and now he is dating a girl there. The reason that he gives to me is that there are no good guys. Only available guys are old and aged (that is not above 26 as in our Desi psychology. He meant that they are above 40) I asked him a stupid question then that where are the twinks of porn movies or ads or TV? His answer was that they are where where you saw them… Then he was dating a girl not because he turned straight or learned that being queer is difficult and unnatural as many opponents of gaydom states but because he wanted to fulfill his sexual appetite. So this comes to this always…

People can be good actors but they should know that there many faces can be dawned to their lovers… And when they do then it is said in Urdu that so lohaar ki to aik sunhaar ki (100 days wage of an iron-smith is equal to one day wage of a goldsmith)…

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One thought on “Multiple Faces of Barhama and gay world…

  1. If you look at the history of gay culture in the USA you find that people are much less promiscuous than they once were. Back when you couldn’t talk about being gay, couldn’t be gay in public, and couldn’t have an openly gay relationship, people slept around more.

    Nowadays there are still gay men who sleep around but many more having families and marriages. As for the alarming rate of failure for gay marriage… um… straight people get divorced all the time too!

    And straight people cheat and don’t ever tell.

    I know lots of gay men, myself included, who are just looking for a relationship. Yes, the urge to have indiscriminate sex can be strong. But sometimes being gay means that you can be honest and tackle those temptations together, or incorporate them into the shared sex life.

    Keep your head up, with all it’s faces. Nice post!

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